This story was simply too amusing not to share. Last weekend, I was in line at PetSmart buying lizard paraphernalia for our newest family member Vinnie, the gecko. The guy in front of me had one of those contraptions to clean up dog crap resting on the counter. Like every thirty-two year old woman, I started laughing because it was something pertaining to poo. The man informed me that he was exchanging it because it “worked like shit” which made me laugh even harder.
Apparently, he had tried to pick up a turd and then realized to his utter dismay that its scooping abilities proved to be quite inadequate due to his high shit cleaning standards. I personally thought the apparatus looked relatively hearty so I could only assume the dude was harboring a tiger. Whatever, not my business. I just wanted to ask him if he had at least taken the time to clean it off before he brought it back. Instead, I told him, duh, he should just find a husband like logical people do.
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The cashier picked the device up with her thumb and forefinger and carefully held it away from her body as my new friend went to pick out a “more advanced” model. Meanwhile, I used my husband’s business credit card to pay for Vinnie’s new aquarium mansion, complete with a waterfall, granite countertops, a high definition flat screen television and surround sound. Our genius accountants would definitely find a tax deduction amongst these necessary reptilian purchases for our dental office.
As I was leaving, my buddy proudly reappeared with the MOTHER of all poop scooping tools. I could practically see the pride oozing out of his pores. I love people. I really do. XO
I am a writer, parent, and generally loose in the world. Yes, I meant what I said. Whatever. I handled it.
