Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. I tripped and fell over my elliptical while playing tag with my kid and blew out my knee. I started physical ther . . .
One of the four neighbors whom I actually like moved right before Thanksgiving. She needed some help moving some miscellaneous items like a propane ta . . .
Today my daughters requested that I notify them prior to entering the basement when they are playing dolls. I narrowed my eyes at them. I know exact . . .
I always knew I would grow up to marry a doctor or an oil magnate. I just never imagined I would actually love him. Oddly enough however, I freaking . . .
North Korean Dictator, Kim Jung Un, finally resurfaced after he had been MIA for a few weeks. I called Crime Stoppers to tip them off that he was wor . . .
Mike recently staged an intervention after he discovered me cutting up antibiotics with a razor blade and snorting them off the toilet. He informed m . . .
I recently went to Monterey for Mike’s family reunion. We were at the aquarium when my sister-in-law decided her baby needed to take a nap. I eagerl . . .
My 9-year-old was at her second violin lesson last Sunday when her teacher came out and informed Mike and I that our kid was feeling dizzy. We walked . . .
I have recently learned my sister lives in the only house in all of Ireland that cannot obtain Internet service by “3 kilometers” (whatever the fuck t . . .
It has been one week since my sister and niece moved to Ireland. Even more upsetting? They legalized weed in Colorado the day before she left. It w . . .
I was sitting outside freezing my ass off in the middle of the night waiting for my puppy to whiz when I glanced up at the sky and thought about what . . .
My children went back to school a few weeks ago. I had been counting down the nanoseconds for this day since the end of June. In fact, when I took t . . .
A few days ago I took my kids to the park and they discovered the remains of a raccoon that had obviously been shanked by some gang member coyotes. M . . .
Before we get to this week’s happenings, I want to discuss something very serious and entirely disturbing with you. I recently discovered a picture o . . .
On our first wedding anniversary I poured my heart and soul (although hollowed, I still have one. Bite me) into a card for Mike. I then waited with . . .
Eew, the grossest thing ever happened to me last week. I ordered five hundred U.S. dollars worth of clothes from Lands’ End because I go back to work . . .
Yesterday I woke to find numerous text messages on my phone regarding a close friend that was seriously ill and wondering if I could help. I jumped o . . .
I do not kill bugs or spiders. In fact, there is a little spider currently residing in my office and I am just going to let her stay for the winter. . . .
I may be deceased when you read this and if so, thank you all for reading it has been a pleasure writing for you. Mike left for his annual golf trip . . .
For some reason I looked your website up tonight. It's been a long time since I have seen you. I remember when your mouth was much more delicate. I kn . . .
My Mormon cousin Jill is now selling colon cleanses and wanted me to try one. Jill has 5 kids and is totally sexy so my curiosity peaked. I asked he . . .
Yesterday I woke up and decided to take a long hot bath to soothe my aching body. I have that disease that makes you age rapidly. It really blows. . . .
After I had been blogging for awhile I noticed two things. 1) I no longer get invited to family reunions and 2) People begin conversations with “I so . . .
For those of you who have not read The Grey Books: I am sorry, your life could have been so much better this past week and this blog will make absolut . . .
Since this country currently has an asinine law titled “You cannot get married because you are gay and your sexual preference is clearly wrong whereas . . .
A few weeks ago my photographer friend Jen from high school sent me a message on facebook asking if I would be interested in doing a “Boudoir” photo s . . .
A couple days ago Mike went and met with our accountants to discuss something called taxes (?). Whatever. I refused to go because last year I was so . . .
Do NOT underestimate the wrath of a tonsil or an adenoid. Those seemingly harmless protuberances of tissue have stealthily developed nuclear weapons, . . .
Today my friend Steph dyed my hair darker and cut bangs. I loved it. I left the salon feeling sexy and revived, ready to take on another fascinating . . .
