Blog Posts on Family

The World Is Ending. Yawn.

I was outside planting flowers when my daughters informed me they were having a lemonade stand at the end of our driveway. Concerned that their proje . . .

You Can Bank On It

A few nights ago, I received a text from my uncle. It was a picture of him and some cute chick in an awkward side-hug. Random. I took a picture of . . .

Broccoli is Gross

For those of you who have previously dismissed me as shallow and materialistic....you are still totally correct in your assessment. However, I recent . . .

The Traveling Man

It is a fair assessment to say that Mike and I are obsessed with each other. We are constantly kissing, groping and touching one another. We make ea . . .

Rolling the Fat

My pregnant friend, Mer, just sent me a text of herself at the OBGYN’s office. I texted her back that she needed to go study the poster of cervixes o . . .

The Circle of Life

Me: I am going to find new homes for Vinnie and Pearl. I am the ONLY thirty-four year old woman I know that has pet lizards. The kids have NOTHING t . . .

Mr. Whiskerpuss

It is Steve Jobs fault that I now own a cat. Last week I went into my daughter’s room and made the astute observation that her pet lizard, Pearl, had . . .

Surprise!

I used to feel sorry for people with Celiac’s disease. Not anymore. I accidentally bought a bag of gluten-free ginger snaps and they are pretty much . . .

Happy New Year

Last Monday was the Justin Bieber concert in Denver. Holy.Pubescent.Pandemonium. My daughters were absolutely beside themselves, I was laughing hyst . . .

I Steal Cable

You know how Mike has claimed that my Shih Tzu is the “stupidest dog on earth” well it turns out he was wrong, it is my Yorkie!!! HAHAHAHA FACE MIKE. . . .

Crash and Learn

Psychologist Alfred Adler theorized that childhood experiences affect our behavior and personality as adults. This is concerning considering I was le . . .

Vows of Obedience

My in-laws were in town this past week. In terms of their overall satisfaction with me as their daughter-in-law they rate me 3 out of 5 stars. How . . .

Heal The World

I went to the doctor yesterday because I have another sinus infection. My doctor informed me I need CAT scan of my head, gave me some prescriptions a . . .

Who Nose?

This morning I woke up much to my dismay. Just kidding, I say that every day. It was actually one of those mornings I have had scorching, passionate . . .

AloHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Highlights of Our Hawaiian Vacation. *Let’s get this party started!!!!! My mom used the bathroom at the airport. She came out laughing and informed u . . .

I Love All My Peeps

I am ready to talk about it. In accordance with the Kubler-Ross Model of the 5 Stages of Grief, I am currently residing in Stage 4, Depression. On T . . .

DaveSays

Hi Baby Loves. This week my dad wrote for me because he owes me for his partial contribution to my existence. He is a Buddist ninja that is really e . . .

Don't Call Me Edward

Earlier today I was at the zoo with my daughter when I received a phone call from my friend Vanessa:

Vanessa: Hi Erin! Jeff and I are goin . . .

Just Breathe (If You Can)

I have decided I need to start wearing one of those electronic 911 alerting medical bracelets like my grandma does. This would not be necessary if I . . .

I Told You So

Yippppeeee! Tomorrow is marital counseling day! I love marital counseling day. It is the day that Mike and I go sit awkwardly on a couch and discus . . .

Times Are A Changin'

Prefix: Following the birth of my first child, Mike had a near-death experience. In an attempt to help me see the light, he informed me that I “was . . .

Got Worms

The following is an actual conversation I had with my 4 year old daughter today:

Offspring- Mom, you know what I always wanted but never go . . .

Hip and Coo-Old

On Thursday my father is having his hip replacement surgery. We were discussing details of his operation when he told me his doctor gave him a pamphl . . .

May All Your Dreams Come True

All last week my in-laws were in town. That was actually not the funny part. We all sitting there having an awkward family dinner when my sister-in- . . .

Make Love Not War

Last weekend Mike and I celebrated our anniversary. Right before we left for dinner I realized one of my beloved dogs was acting like she did not fee . . .

Here Kitty Kitty

My stepmother called me yesterday to inform me that a friend of hers had some itty, bitty kittens and would we like one? Truthfully, I am terrified o . . .

I Love Old People

This past weekend, my sister, stepmother and I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my dad. As it turns out, my stepmother is not nearly as skill . . .

Am I Reading This Correctly?

A couple weeks ago we received a letter in the mail informing Mike and I that our daughter has missed more than 8 days of kindergarten this year. The . . .

Heads I Win, Tails You Lose

We have a new pet gecko named Vinnie. I love this reptile like I gave birth to him. Last night I was out “running errands” (sitting in my car all al . . .

Gangsta Fish

About a year ago my mom went out and bought a Beta fish. She bought the thing an enormous glass bowl, live plants, Roman fish statues and rocks made . . .